An Important message from the Minister of the Interior and stuff

After a night of dancing and drinking, you may fell a bit amourous towards a certain person who has caught your eye across the bar, and whose eye you have caught with you're super col dancing stylee. And you may decide to go over and talk to this person. You may even decide to kiss this person. You may, but don't tell your mother, even invite this person back to your bedroom for some swiswoo and the like.

Well stop and think. Think contraception.



Or you might end up with a little surprise. We have had reports of increased cases of Syphilis.


He was spotted in a couple of pubs often frequented by citizens of Drunkendancestan. The Minister found it lurking in the toilets and decided to share it with the General. As a punishment for his attempted coup to take over Drunkendancesstan from El Presidente. It was thought it would slow him down a bit.


The General cottoned on to the Minister attempts and passed Syphilis onto the Spa King, who happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.

But the Minister for the Interior and Stuff was on hand to stop it and went about telling him all about Syphilis and herpes and chlamydia and gonorrhea and genital warts. Which has now put him and all those around who happened to be within earshot, off girls and stuff for life. Or just the night.


Well prevention is better than cure. Think Contraception.

Fri-beer-birth-beard-booked-day!

Friday 1st December is a National Drunkendancistan holiday. It is the day we celebrate many things (we are nothing if not efficent drinkers and dancers). It is the anniversary date of the day when our illustrious leader returned to alcohol, to be forever more celebrated by all of humankind!

I give you BEER. This is El Presidentes first sip of Guinness in a MONTH:



It is also, coincidentally, the day we celebrate the birth of Judge Ultimo the First, our slightly biased silly contest decider. Some people know her as Sinéad, some as Little Miss Punchalot. She is excellent at avoiding cameras, but here she is anyways! Drinking what is one of the staples in the diet of any true Citizen, Corona with Lime.



There is a lot of respect in Drunkendancistan for beards, so we threw that into the mix. Here the General turns towards St. James Gate in prayer. God Bless Arthur.



It is also a massive celebration because it is in the same week that the Ambassador for Mehico and the Gossiping Gypsy bought their tickets to leave Drunkendancistan to travel on an epic trip around the world. In some ways it's a missionary expedition, as they will be spreading the good word of Drunkendancistan far and wide. Although knowing both of them, there won't be anything truly missionary about it in a puritan sense. The harlots. Here they are rocking out hardcore style in celebration! Although technically it looks like Jeannine is raving...




In this photo a certain Lady Sandra of Worthington Woods shows how to start a night out. Giving thanks to the Lord of Alcohol! THANK YOU BABY ARTHUR THANK YOU is what she cried out.



The ever elusive Mary Bo-peep turned up to show us some sweet dance moves. I was trying to learn that B-52 song, TAKE A STEP TO THE LEFT AND THEN A JUMP TO THE RIGHT et cetera. I tried to add a few SPECIAL PULP FICTION moves in and it was not appreciated oh no not one bit. I was nearly murdered for "tainting the dance". :-(



Now we come to the Dark Ones. The Wicked Witch of the Forest and the Shadowlord of the Shadows. Also known as Roisin and Orla(gh?). These guys are super evil even though they dance like there is no tomorrow. They are also El Presidentes bodyguards of doom, so do not trifle with them!

Here the The Wicked Witch tells me exactly what she thinks of me... :-(



And here the Shadowlord just appeared beside me, with a smile on her face and a knife in my ribs, because I gave El Presidente a dirty look! WATCH OUT WORLD.



The Minister of the Interior and Stuff was on a fact finding mission for some of the night with a whole laboratory in her pursuit of fun. When she turned up, though, she wasted no time at all in taking to the dance floor with Red Panda! Red Panda is like a power-up for the Minister I think. Here she was dancing SO FAST that I couldn't take a normal photo! WHOOOOOOSH it was like.



Things started to go crazy then. Red Panda started to thieve drinks. El Presidente was "seeing UFOs indoors". (She was drinking water at this point guys).





It was at then, just when the night was spiralling out of control, that El Presidente's security team stepped in. My camera was confiscated for the rest of the night :-(
I know I'm the General you guys, but I had left my crack Rangers unit at home and had no weapons. And there was NO WAY I would have won a dance-off... Or not even a drink-off. I HAD NO CHOICE! I did get this last photo of The Wicked Witch "asking" me for the camera...



All in all it was a great night I think. Yes. A great great night!

Happy belated Fri-beer-birth-beard-booked-day!

Childrens TV in Drunkendancistan

A lot of people from countries far and wide have been recently asking:

"How come people from Drunkendancistan are so damned cool? I mean, those guys can do anything! Moonwalk, poppin, ANYTHING."

Well I have an answer. It's our childrens TV. We here are a progressive society and only let our (inner) children watch fantastic 80's childrens TV. Like this.



I think that is answer enough. I mean, wouldn't YOU have grown up awesome if you had had the chance to see such things as a chisler?

Sunday is Zooday.

El Presidente, The Minister for Interior and Stuff, and The General went to...

THE ZOO!

It was super fantastic planetary. One of the first things we saw was the noble Tiger, an amazing creature of strength and MAJESTY. It is like a living beard I guess, truly majestico! It roared a bit but generally looked insane. It also stared hard at El Presidente, perhaps recognising the inherent majesty in our noble leader! Or it was hungry, It was hard to tell.



Next on our trip were the monkeys! Our own little monkey, a species native to Drunkendancistan only, practiced the FACES OF COMMUNICATION. We thought that maybe we could recruit some spies, but apparently the monkeys were a bit dumb. This is our monkey making the "Excited" face!



And then we were back in big cat territory. With the Liopard Sneachta! Thats right, not only does a brief trip to the zoo give you a degree in Zoology, you also learn some very difficult Irish. I will leave you to guess in the comments section the Irish for Chimpanzee and Giraffe! Anyways, here is the snow leopard sign. The snow leopard was pretty far away.



ORANGUTANG! Smelly ginger monkeys. I got on with these guys like long lost friends. Perhaps my Ginger beard helps? I cannot tell for sure. I did get to shout "YOU'VE BEEN ORANGUTANGOED"when the thing went nuts and tore a dudes hat right off his head.



From there it was onwards and upwards, as they say in the business of Zoology. Mountain Zooology. Or maybe Marine Zoology when they are on a deep sea dive and coming up for air? I do not know for sure, maybe we can ask Mister Minister of the Interior and Stuff (aka King of the Spas of Zoology)? Yes. Maybe.

Hmmm. Where was I? Oh yes. The NEXT animal I want to show you is our own little monkey playing on the slides! Oh boy did she have fun! Until she got stuck... Half way down. The folk from Dublin Fire Brigade WERE NOT HAPPY when we had to call them to rescue her. :-(

We were heartbroken that the WHEEEEEEE! was so abruptly broken. Poor little monkey...



WHAT IS THIS! It is a goddamn RHINO. Thats what I, as a military guy, was here to see. Oh yes. Although, the Persian Army that attempted to invade Greece had these guys as WAR RHINOS, Sparta STILL won. There is a lesson there somewhere. When I see the film 300 I will let you know what it is. Anyways, here is the big bad rhino dude. Also a hippo.





Then we saw something that reminded us of our Loyal Court Jester. It was ASIAN. It was FEMALE. And I truly feel that the Court Jester would seriously consider her KAWAII!!



You know, the day was pretty cold. SO the ZEDbras were inside, under the heat lamps. I thought I saw them shiver, but El Presidente said it was an optical illusion because ZEDbras are stripey! Anyways, here is the photo.



So we moved on. To the highlight of the day for El Presidente and The Minister of the Interior and Stuff. PENGUINS. We were there for maybe seven hours I guess. It was ages anyway. The things can't even fly! Whats so great about them?



Well after the penguins, we came across the greatest metrosexual of them all, the Peacock. Even David Beckham would be ashamed by this guys extravagance. Well... He would have been... This guy was shy!



Don't worry! Hang in there! There is not much more to go. As a treat, here is perhaps the most laid back and cutest guy of the whole day. Red Panda asleep on a log. What a hero. The Red Panda is now the official mascot of Drunkendancistan. This guy was asleep because he was partying ALL NIGHT you guys. The keeper told us so.



Then there was a bit of an emergency! We lost the Minister of the Interior and Stuff! It was a terrible time! However, El Presidente had a plan. "Let us go to the Wishing Chair and wish we knew where she was"!



Suddenly inspiration struck! Maybe she would be at the Lost Child hut? As they say BINGO! It was kind of weird. All the lost people were behind a fence, and if you knew one of them you had to call out their name. Then the lost person had to put uo their hand or you couldn't take them! Weird!



Then before we left the Minister for the Interior and Stuff wanted to thank the wishing chair for all it's help.



And that was the end of the ZOO!

However! That was not the end of the day, OH NO. We met both the Ambassador for Mehico and Mister Minister for the Interior and Stuff (aka King of the Spas of Zoology) for dinner and a movie. It was ROSEMANTICS. Note that our Mascot, the Red Panda, is having a nice chat with the Ambassador. Probably about bourbon.





And that was that for a lovely wonderful day. Yay!

Meet the People of Drunkendancistan!!!

El Presidente

Our Presidente has a great sense of humour which is why the people like her so very much. She has been quiet of late, choosing to not drink for the month of November but Friday sees the return of El Presidente to full form. She is a wine conisseur, likes a good pint of Guinness or 5, won't drink just any beer and makes a mean cosmo. Dancing? well theres only one better in the whole of Drunkendancistan. Signature move...like a CAT!!!

Minister for the Interior and stuff

Second in command and best dancer in the 'Stan, Tonto makes sure the daily running of country and also ensure at least one person is the country is drunk and/or dancing. She will drink just about anything, except cider, but in particular loves beer. Loves beer. Beers in big glasses. Glasses so big she can hardly hold them sometimes and maybe sometimes might drop them. Tonto was born dancing.

The General

The Baron is responsible for the saftey welfare and general protection of Drunkendancistan, despite his attempted mutiny on the Presidente earlier this year while on a foreign affairs reconnaissance mission in Australia. He is a black belt in pinching and saluting. He drinks beer. Beer Beer beer. And is also partial to shots of pineapple juice. Hardcore. And dances at any given oppurtunity.

Ambassador for Mehico

Juanine is as religious as her home nation going to mass every Sunday. Taking days off work to go on holy days. Well this is what she tells her employers. As well as being ambassador to Mehico, she also dabbles in other international relations. She like beer but loves JD. Try and take it away from her and feel the wrath of JUANINE!! She doesn't dance much but thats ok....someone has to keep an eye on the bags.

Court Jester

Simon likes a sausage every now and then but is only just managing to use a knife and fork. He learned this while on a relations mission to Australia with the General. His drink of choice is Cider, apple or mixed berry as long as someone else is buying. His style of dancing is bopping, with some hand movement but only when the moment takes him. Like when CSS is playing.

Minister for Candy

Ms Lovebug Monks is always on the campaign trail, bringing sweets and chocolate to the people. She'll drink just about everything thats put in front of her, but her particualr favourite is wine. Red Wine. She used to be a Bulmers girl but soon came to her senses. She dances even when shes sleeping.

Official?!

Well, not yet. Not until El Presidente approves it. Only time will tell if she will. Basically the Citizens of Drunkendancistan needed somewhere to put photographic evidence of fun.

This is it. Updates might not be frequent but they will be super fantastic. Starting with the ZOO.

Tomorrow though. It is late right now. So very late and so very damp.